Former Spiderman, Andrew Garfield puts in a rather good performance as a slacker who falls in love with Sarah, a pretty blonde girl from his apartment complex that he’s only seen twice. They almost hook up one night but when her room mates come home she tells him to come back tomorrow and when he does she’s gone, as are her room mates.

All he finds is a shoebox of personal items and a strange sigil.

Bringing to mind movies such as Hudson Hawk and The Player or less obviously the more recent, Starry Eyes, it reminds us that Hollywood is currently more of a parody than usual what with it being obligatory to be a botoxed influencer with a fake ass and a white mansion or the slightly more obnoxious ‘edgy’ influencer who twats about in fancy dress and thinks attending festivals makes them deep.

Well, it doesn’t…all you’ve done is piss off the people you seek to emulate with your grubby little vampiric attempt to attribute meaning to your vapid, shallow existence.

That’s not counted as a rant since it’s what I took from the movie.

It’s not an insult to be a gatekeeper when, frankly, some people should have the portcullis dropped on their idiot heads.

Old man plays piano and claims he wrote everything from Bach to Smells Like Teen Spirit, to me, he seems to be Elvis but perhaps Riley Keough’s inclusion means they toned it down.

Maybe I’m wrong, no idea.

When Spiderman is taken to the forever cemetery and some Zoomers are partying on the graves of Hollywood icons…and to think some people are wondering what the meaning of this movie is….it’s right in front of you.

It’s right in front of Spiderman as well, he views a piece of art painted by the old Hollywood actress his mother loves and is amazed at the beauty of the piece, this woman was an artistic soul rather than focused on being famous, when he finally tracks down the lead singer of Jesus and The Brides what happens? It turns out his hit singles are all written by the old piano guy and what has he made? oh yeah…shit, that’s what he leaves in the toilet.

Ending Spoilers

The big conspiracy he chases is fairly banal, Hollywood sucks the souls of the young women it tempts with fame, it leaves them so empty and drained of hope that hiding in a vault waiting to die with some past his prime billionaire seems like they’ve made it.

At the end, Spiderman seems to be happy to leave behind the past in his apartment as it’s taken back by the landlord, he’s explored that area and made peace I suppose. He has been chasing Sarah and now he knows he’s realised that the older but ultimately more content Bird Lady is what he truly wanted, there’s something vaguely Freudian hinted at here perhaps but I don’t feel qualified to comment on that.

Spoilers End

There’s an incident with a nude woman in a taxidermied owl mask who creeps around assassinating people and a mugger who has started killing dogs.

The former attributed to the world of banking and finance and the latter is implied to be Spiderman.

There’s also the Homeless King who appears to be fully aware of the horrors going on but blissfully detached.

He values knowing them over being them despite having, presumably, nothing.

Why are people wondering what the subtext of this movie is again?!